Dag 339 Being the target

I blamed my fathers behave and asked myself the question why he did not accept and acknowledge, in front of me, the existence, relationship and the reasons which comprise the energy of his reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wondering why my father dit not changed his behave in front of me and did not accept and acknowledge the energy of his reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself thinking I’m his target so being the target within me because I’ve accepted and allowed myself be his target is not he or she, no the images, words and thinking only concerns me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I used my question/assumption as logical theory of my mind justification, only because asking myself these question which results into blame him because experienced myself as within victimisation; which was my experience being the target of his aggressive behaviour.

I realize that I was biased in my mind where I saw as images and thoughts his verbal and physical aggression, now I understand and realized I longed for peace and predictable behavior so that I could feel safe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not felt safe, I felt unsafe within this aggressive context and grim atmosphere within this existence of arguing and aggressive voice, mimicry, body language together with wild arms and legs gestures that produced sliding movements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I feel unsafe when I look at someone  who displays aggressive behavior

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I feel unsafe when I hear aggressive sounding voices

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I feel unsafe when I hear aggressive sounding noises

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I feel uncertain within an grim atmosphere because I remember unconsciously the existence of arguing and aggressive voice, mimicry, body language together with wild arms and legs gestures that produced sliding movements.

I realize that I expect from the other excuse because of his behave which I compare with my unsafe memory longing simultaneously to a sense of security.

If and when I’m feel unsafe and longing simultaneously to feel a sense of security, I stop and Breathe….

If and when I’m feel unsafe, I stop and Breathe….

If and when I’m longing something within my mind as images, words and thoughts, I stop and Breathe….

If and when I’ve longing and focus on vitimization, I stop and Breathe….

I realize when I expecting some safety from another person I’m still longing for safety within me and into me I realize, see and understand I still feel insecure about the behave off other persons.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not have enough courage not facing my fear by breathing and walking back through my resistance

If and when I feel resistance, I stop and Breathe.

I realize that I am responsible for the relationship of my response to behavior of others why I feel anxious as a result of their behavior because they remind me of the aspects under my fear memory provided with negatively charged energy which in my physical body is noticeable in my mouth and jaws. According to my buddy pain in jaws and mouth represents missing aspects of courage.

So I commit myself I have to investigate the presence of the inHere moments when I need more courage to stand and walke true my resistance faced with fears for example speaking in front of an audience speak out and telling them my message as part of the commitment that is associated and part of my job, training and as message which presenting oneness and equality principles such as selfhonesty, sincerity, courage, responsibility first for my own welfare and judgment free behave.

In next blogs I will elaborate on the theme of courage to face my fairs and make my own corrective commitment directing myself speaking in front of people as part of the deal in accordance myself commitment against my wich best for me and others in my oneness and equility awareness world and reality.

See you…