The essence of consequence within my mind, my main assumption is ‘I’m a failure.’ So during my life I created my design of failure. I started this construct as a child after I came Aware I’m an unwanted child which was not a Selfhonest decision. That I was born was because of a mistake. After someone told me that my birth was because of the not planned decision from my parents. Then I made the decision ‘I don’t matter.’ The consequence of my Birth was that my father and mother lost there freedom that’s why they were arguing and fighting a lot.
The essence of my thinking, the decision I made, which I created as my thinking after a friend of my parents told me that my parents had to get married. They had to get married because my grandfather had required them to do so because my mother was pregnant of me. After she told me – It became clear to me – why my father always criticized me. But now I am more aware of the impact of my thinking I realize see and understand that My father’s criticism was his choice. His criticism what I was responsible for, what I thought at the time. I wasn’t welcome, I don’t matter I started to believe because of his killing eyes.
So what impacted me was the message of the families friend, the critique of my father, the Look into his devilish eyes, the indifferent approving attitude of my mother who tolerated violence and physical abuse, who made the choice to stay with my father, in his devilishly destructive proximity. Because I was thinking this happens because I am a failure, it made sense that was criticized and emotionally rejected Because I was looking for an explanation why my father was aggressive and angry and blunt and not friendly.
Hypocritical character: When He was talking with other people he was friendly. What I was most afraid of and insecure was his change in behavior. If I felt good, cheerful or happy, my father ruined the atmosphere. My mother tolerated this. She didn’t give me a secure feeling…..(she didn’t care about me because why do you live with such a bastard who ruins the atmosphere in the house, someone who looked at me like a piece of shit, criticizing everything I did and against other people being friendly, accompanied by his accusing attitude, the tone in his voice and its aggressively behavior was gone). So because of that I tried to protect my mother. I guess.
In Dutch (zij gaf geen zak om mij want waarom blijf je samen wonen met zo’n klootzak die de atmosfeer in huis verpest, die mij aanzag als een stuk stront, alles en iedereen bekritiserend, vergezeld van zijn beschuldigende houding, de toon in zijn stem en zijn aggressively behavior).
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think and blaming my father for ruined the atmosphere at home.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that blame my colleague since he came new ruined the atmosphere.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I blamed my mother that she did not leaves my father after he ruined the atmosphere at home.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have blamed my mother that she did not created a safe haven for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was longing for a safe haven and became a ruined environment wherein I felt insecure.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that instead feeling safe and secure became emotional unsafe and insecure.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I became angry after my mother did not took care for my inner security because I became emotional.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I blamed others that I became a victim of the circumstances.
If and when I blame circumstances, then I Stop and Breath. If and when I deny my responsibility creating my inner existence, then I Stop and Breath. If and when I follow the energy of my emotions, then I Stop and Breath. I realize see and understand that I am addicted to the energy of emotion.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I am addicted to the energy of emotion.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I am inferior to the energy of emotion.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that the energy of emotion is directing me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I feel anger and want to Taking revenge at the decision from my mother to support my fathers disbehave.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I blame my mother that she still supports my father’s decision that he ruined the atmosphere at home.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I think that she still supports my father’s decision because she or he never apologized no sorry for their disbehave.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I blame my parents for there disbehave.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I developed a Sense to detect dishave.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I detect disbehave and blame the owner of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I blame disbehave which I detect in me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was longing for opening up and speak about what I needed in moments wherein I felt insecure. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself I decided not being vulnerable because of my fear of being critized when I did after my mother told me don’t be Petty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that being vulnerable is dangerous.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when experience the energy of dangerous, then I allowed myself to walk away from specific situations and people in my world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have cheated myself when expecting danger when I am vulnerable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking when I am vulnerable my mother start laughing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I assume being vulnerable is dangerous.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I made the decision to avoid being vulnerable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not being vulnerable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I suppressed my vulnerability.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I commit myself to goals still participate in the energy of danger.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that somehow danger is managing my choices.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I still allow myself that I experience danger in my body, manifested as my lack of confidence ‘do not trusting people and not trusting myself that I will succeed when I start walking my directive choices.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I don’t want to commit myself because I do not trust myself that I can achieving goals.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I belief I can not be successful.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I can not be successful because I still experience the energy of danger in my Beingness body and mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that my goals possess the energy of danger.
If and when I have a goal in mind, then I will Stop myself and Breath. I realize see and understand that my goals are paved with danger, so I first has to Breath To erase the energy of danger.
Additional Resources:
Destonians– Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process
EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – every question answered
Desteni.org – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature
DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course
Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course
School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words
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