Dag 521 coping.

Ik realiseer me zie en begrijp dat ik tijdens mijn jeugd een coping strategie heb ontwikkeld.

Kunnen is kennen wat als de geest bestaat.’ Een persoonlijk commitment, acceptatie van hetgeen de persoon zichzelt toestaat. ‘De persoon begint met het dagelijkse onderzoek ‘herkennen wat gebeurtenissen uitlokten en uitlokken, erkennen als reactie van zijn geest.’

De rodedraad hetgeen mijn overlevingsstrategie kenmerkt: ‘Ik heb de neiging te zijn ‘hetgeen ik denk’ dat anderen willen dat ik ben.’

Aan de Rode draad in mijn leven.

Hieraan heb ik vervolgens mijn positieve en negatieve consequenties, denken en reacties (gedrag) verbonden.

Dit betekent dat ik me inferieur en Inschikkelijk ging gedragen. Dit naar aanleiding van mijn angstig en alert denken waaraan ik me vervolgens heb aangepast. ‘Aangepast en Inschikkelijk denken hetgeen insinueert ‘ik denk wat anderen willen dat ik ben want mijn waarneming en observatie is juist.’

Mijn ‘kunnen is kennen’ heb ik gerealiseerd naar aanleiding van suïcidaal gedrag. Onder drang en het advies van een politieagent ging ik naar mijn huisarts. Die heeft mij vervolgens doorverwezen naar het toenmalige CAD. Op deze dag begon mijn herstelproces. Dit ‘naar aanleiding van de aandrang van de politieagent’. Ik wist tot op dat moment ‘nog niet bewust’ dat ik verslaafd was aan alcohol en wat de specifieke aanleiding was van mijn dagelijkse alcoholmisbruik.

Kunnen is kennen wat als de geest bestaat.’ Een persoonlijk commitment, acceptatie van hetgeen de persoon zichzelt toestaat. ‘De persoon begint door dagelijks onderzoek ‘herkennen wat gebeurtenissen uitlokten en uitlokken als de reactie van zijn geest.’

Klantvriendelijkheid werd me door mijn ouders met de paplepel ingegeven. Ik heb zelfstandig mijn weg gezocht. Inschikkelijk en aangepast aan de voorspelbare onvoorspelbaarheid van mijn omgeving.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb dat ik de neiging heb ontwikkeld te zijn, hetgeen ik denk dat anderen willen dat ik ben’. Als en wanneer ik ertoe neig en denk ‘ik me moet gedragen hoe anderen denken’, dan Stop ik en Adem.

Ik realiseer me zie en begrijp dat ik me heb aangepast aan mijn veronderstelling dat ik me moet gedragen zoals anderen denken dat ik me moet gedragen, dit omdat ik mezelf toesta dat ik me onderwerp aan de autoriteit van mijn innerlijke angst omdat ik me aanpas aan mijn angst en de goede vrede wil bewaren omdat ik kritiek van de ander wil vermijden.

Day 520 fickle.

What “works” for everyone “and” What does not “work” for everyone”; That in itself is an “Act of Perfection “in the context of the design of the system; And that is the” first point “that you must do: be equal to the system – because the system is “perfect” in its design – and the “rules of design” follow the moment you – Let those “rules” become fickle = you are “less than” the System and then you immediately are “imperfect” in the context of your environment, the way we look at our environment is done by thoughts.

Thoughts are like lenses through which we look at our world. We are all more or less inclined to hold our own lens and determine how we interpret our experiences, and even who we think we are, let those “rules” become fickle = you become “less than” the system and then you are immediately imperfect in the context of your life and environment, which can manifest itself as pain.

The way how you deal with it, the alternative is that you experience your pain is to understand the meaning of your pain and the thoughts that cause it.

So, Let the “rules” of the system design become fickle then you fight against it and then you experience imperfection.

We are all more or less inclined to hold our own lens and determine how we interpret our experiences.

I realize, see and understand that I developed a coping strategy during my childhood.

The red thread that characterizes my survival strategy is: “I tend to be” what I think “that others want me to be.”This means that I started to behave inferior. Because of my accepted and allowed thoughts. This as a result of my thinking to which I subsequently adapted. “Which insinuated” I think what others want me to be because my perception and observation are correct. “I then linked my positive and negative consequences, thinking and reactions (behavior).

During a period of time I was longing for being dead. I became suicidal and wanted to throw myself under the train. So I called the police because I also was afraid and in a way behaved to get attention from others. Under pressure, after the advice from a police officer I went to my doctor. This decision I made after the police visit me three times.

The red thread that characterizes my survival strategy is: “I tend to be” what I think “that others want me to be.”

My doctor referred me to visit a psychologist. My recovery process ‘being aware’ started here. This “in response to the insistence of the police officer”. Until that time I knew “not yet aware” that I was addicted to alcohol and what the specific reason was for my daily alcohol use. That I used alcohol had a reason.

Being able to know, what exists as my mind existence. “A personal commitment ‘wanting to know’. The acceptance of what I allows myself to think. “The person starts the daily investigation” recognizing what daily events triggers as the reaction of his mind. “

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I developed my perception wherein I think what others want me to be. ” If and when I tend to think “I have to behave how others think”, I Breath and Stop.

I realize I see and understand that I have adapted to my assumption that I must behave the way others think I should behave, because I allow myself to submit to the authority of my inner thoughts which manifest fear because I want to achieve good peace within my environment because I want to avoid criticism and physical disbehave from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted my mind “rules” became fickle ‘I am “less than” the system and then I immediately are “imperfect”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I am thinking in the context of my environment, the way I look at myself as the conditions of my created mind environment, which I allowed myself to be as mind, done by my thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking “What I insinuated, I think what others want me to be because my perception and observation are correct. I and when I am thinking my insinuated thoughts are correct, I Stop and Breath. I realize see and understand that when I face a person or event in my environment, I am the one who is insinuated what is false and therefore longing fore or expecting what should be correct.

Insinuated doubt, I looked thru my lenses wrong which should be good or what is good will become wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that my accepted “rules of design” follow the moment I let those “rules” become fickle, and then I immediately have to realize see and understand that I as Beingness and Physical existence get less because I am fighting against the accepted rules of my mind, rules which tells me this moment should be this or that person should be acting as that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the one who insinuates what is false and desires or expects what must be right. If and when I am mind insinuating my world, I Stop and Breath.

I commit myself that I take the responsibility to see and understand what I insinuated is the product of what I desire as words and thoughts what is never real in here, just let it go as the expectation and longings of my mind and just my physical in here.