Day 603 the need to be the perfect performance.

I want to do the things that I do perfectly. I think because I want to achieve perfection. Just be perfect. In control. It took me some time to understand that I want to do the things perfect because of my fear to make mistakes. The consequence of making mistakes is my assumption ‘I will get critique.’ Because of the fear being criticized, I Stop doing things. The consequence stop doing things and stay at home is that my world became smaller, consequence stay at home I do not want to feel hurt again! That’s why I choose the word understanding. After I choose this Living word to walk, I was reading the Osho card ‘understanding’.

The first step I learn where possible to stop the pointless fight against and with annoying emotions, thoughts and physical sensations. Because the fight against makes what you’re fighting bigger. When I fight against the sound of the vacuum cleaner in my apartment building where I live where I’m start bothering with, the sound I fight against, then my anger pops up into my mind awareness and body. In my mind I am telling the sound what to do. Then I start yelling in my head, Stop the sound, stop the sound, stop the sound. But what happens is, the Sound is growing louder and bigger, Harder and feels like an iron prime is being inserted,stuck into my head.

With my thinking I want to achieve that the vacuum cleaner stops the noise.

Day 601 Lack of value.

Stop minimizing myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I minimize myself because of my uncertainties.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I am uncertain if someone will like me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I do not like myself in relation to the amount of money I own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I think People judge me because of the amount of money I own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself I have doubts about my value because of my money scarcity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking that the amount of money determines my value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself because lack of money determines my value which let me think that others will never be able to gain intrest in me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking that the importance of money determines my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that my focus at lack of money determines my belief.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I minimize myself to the extent of money I own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in accordance money I avoid social contacts and stay in my safe haven.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I thank CV and that I am thankful for the social distance opportunity.

If and when I want to avoid contact with people because of my lack of value, then I Stop myself and Breath. I realize see and understand that lack of money makes me feel insecure. I realize see and understand that I avoid people because of the risk of rejection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking because of the risk of rejection I avoid social contact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking when people reject me I’ll feel miserable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself because I feel miserable because of the lack of money I own therefore I avoid people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I avoid people therefore I experience more emptynes and misery.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking more money will let me experience less emptynes and misery.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking more money gives me the opportunity that I will experience myself more confidently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that rejection made me feel insecure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I rejection gives me the thought of alcohol which I experience inside my lower abdomen just below my belly button.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that Alcohol use offered me support to suppress my uncertainty as to whether I was desired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking I was unwanted a thought that made me feel insecure if was allowed or that I could exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that the current stay in my safe port requires nothing, only keep distance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that CV allows me to keep distance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the allowance of keeping distance also includes avoid my boredness to examine my feelings every time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself I don’t know what the result will be or what contribution I make to others because I investigate and examine my feelings on a daily base.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I first think what contribution I can make to/give others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I Check if people are going to ignore me and what it takes to convince myself that people don’t unconditionally support me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking People have to be there for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking people have to be here for me when I need them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself expecting people has to be here on my command.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was there, in moments in here, on terms and commands from educators which I accepted and allowed obeyed as ordered.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I my condition to obey subject others to my desire that they should submit to my command.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I Ignore others to investigate whether their intentions are sincere.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to ignore others to examine whether their intentions are genuine or on conditions to get something in return.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I want certainty In return that the other person unconditional is here offering support for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not realize that I see others as objects to fulfill my needs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that in the past I used alcohol to fulfill my emptynes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself because of the doubt of myself I am not sure how I can experience feedback from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience feedback from others as insecure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I experience lack of value and in my safe haven I’m equal to my environment which let me experience calmness and comfort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I value others higher than myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself value others as higher, the feeling being lesser, allowed to blame others for what they did not gave/provided me with, which is like the energy of blame as the negative, my longing is also energetically charged as the energy of desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I am my own prosecutor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I am the victim of a crime, existing as Beingness in the moments I still was innocent and was unhesitated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I am the victim of a crime, in the moments I was innocent and unhesitated, which changed into fear to get being criticized, then start to assume I’m not worth being loved, I will only get love on terms, determined by others, what became my determination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking I have to follow-up rules from others as mine and sacrifice my dreams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I follow-up rules from others as mine to avoid criticism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have made a representation of Lack of Value because I have granted, accepted and allowed lack of value as existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking that something or someone, existence as the external observable world represents my lack of value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that lack of value represents my mind, which I label my world with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that my acceptance and allowance as assessment of risk which I have accepted as a risk will determines my choices.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that the beliefs I live my life in are the bars of my prison.

I realize see and understand that I want to Limiting the effect that affects me as the meaning of my mind essence, triggered by external causes, reducing to what I have accepted and allowed as my reality.

Thanks for reading.

Every Question answered for everyone.