Day 604 Conflict Addiction

I realize see and understand that I as child was Submissive to a home situation that reflected a permanent disturbance. Manifesting the predictably unpredictable atmosphere of conflict, which I allowed in my head because I’ve been on the receiving end of the story – where another in my life came to tell me what they believe needs to change in my life because of these and these and these things they have observed in/about me. But what I received, became what I accepted which I allow myself give to others in my life and still doing now instead Stop the energy of conflict and living aware and peaceful.

where another in my life came to tell me what they believe needs to change in my life, in the same way in my mind I approach people and I tell them what I expect them to do.

She does not listen to my argument when I tell my buddy that I fineshed the lesson and then tells me to continue with one of the characters I already Finished with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I contend with uncertain temper After my buddy ignores my argument.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I approach people from out uncertainty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be trapped in the idea that if I have to do something that is not aligned to what I want to do, I resist it and justify it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I got used to the fact That I’m in relation to other people primarily focus on conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I primarily focus at warzone situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I primarily create warzone circumstances by irritating people in my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I create such circumstances because I realize that I want to punish the people in the past which manifested A permanent warzone atmosphere.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I punish people because I am thinking that I deserve punishment instead of being happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I don’t feel bad about myself because for now it’s OK to realize that I have accepted and allowed myself that I feel Disconnected with my innocence Beingness. My mind assumption refers to the fact that I usually strive to maintain an internal coherence and agreement between my beliefs, values and behavior. Disconnected because I am in decline in the conflict i know, which I would prefer to avoid.

I forgive myself myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I not avoid conflict Communication because I first have to realize that I got used to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself instead Stopping my reaction that I mentioned what was on my mind.

If and when I am thinking and then want to react, I will Stop myself and Breath. I realize see and understand that I want a reaction from my buddy after I sent messages which are not Answered yet, which is ok for me.

I commit myself that I will proceed process.

Additional Resources:

Destonians– Chat with people from all over the world walking the Desteni process

EQAFE.com – The Library of Existence – every question answered

Desteni.org – Research and investigation of human consciousness/human nature

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

Desteni I Process – Life Skills & Self-Mastery Course

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

Thanks.

Day 603 the need to be the perfect performance.

I want to do the things that I do perfectly. I think because I want to achieve perfection. Just be perfect. In control. It took me some time to understand that I want to do the things perfect because of my fear to make mistakes. The consequence of making mistakes is my assumption ‘I will get critique.’ Because of the fear being criticized, I Stop doing things. The consequence stop doing things and stay at home is that my world became smaller, consequence stay at home I do not want to feel hurt again! That’s why I choose the word understanding. After I choose this Living word to walk, I was reading the Osho card ‘understanding’.

The first step I learn where possible to stop the pointless fight against and with annoying emotions, thoughts and physical sensations. Because the fight against makes what you’re fighting bigger. When I fight against the sound of the vacuum cleaner in my apartment building where I live where I’m start bothering with, the sound I fight against, then my anger pops up into my mind awareness and body. In my mind I am telling the sound what to do. Then I start yelling in my head, Stop the sound, stop the sound, stop the sound. But what happens is, the Sound is growing louder and bigger, Harder and feels like an iron prime is being inserted,stuck into my head.

With my thinking I want to achieve that the vacuum cleaner stops the noise.