Day 526 Money money money

On my phone I have a app with which I can play blackjack. When I play this game and win, inside I experience myself relieved. In my belly I experience peace because I have fictitiously won a amount of money. It’s remarkable where I first experience a knot in my stomach, and as soon after I earn fictitious money with the blackjack game, I experience the relief of my stomach knot. I Suppose that This knot in my belly arises due to frequent money shortage. The effect of Money scarcity.

What I find remarkable is that I got aware of this different inner experiences because the blackjack game doesn’t cost me any money. What can happen with playing this game is that I only can make/win fictitious money with it. Once I’ve lost the fictitious money because the bank wins from me, I can win another Fictional amount of money twist the playwheel. But still I experience the change in awareness what I feel after I win or lose fictitious money.

Twist the wheel just make a amount of fictitious money. Cool!

This Fictional money/credits doesn’t cost me any money which I have to buy and pay with my credit card.


Selfhonestly Selfforgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I’m experiencing myself relieved inside as soon as I win a amount of fictitiously money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself after I lose all the fictitious money, I experience myself miserable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I experience myself miserably after losing fictitious money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I’m experiencing myself amazed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I inwardly react strongly and feel relieved/happy /positive after winning fictitious money. If and when I feel relieved and happy after I win money, I Stop and Breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I feel miserable/down/negative after losing fictitious money. If and when I lose fictitious money and feel miserable and disappointed, I Stop and Breath.

I realize see and understand that I got aware of my inner experiences after winning or losing money during a blackjack game.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself That winning or losing fictitious money influences my inner experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I Feel relieved and quiet after I win fictitious money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I feel frustrated and down when I lose Fictitious money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking that it’s remarkable after I lose fictional money that I experience miserable because of the lost of fictitiously money.


Commitment

I commit myself that I have to investigate the influence of money and scarcity.

https://desteni.org/

Dag 525 do I care?

Yes, now I support myself. For context please see my blog day 524. During writing my previous blog I became aware of a longterm pattern: ‘I really don’t care that people will reject and ignore me.’

At the end of this blog I come to a stunning insight.


After a period wherein I Stopt with my daily writingproces I decided that I had to start again. I just knew! Because A voice or a strength ‘in me’ or perhaps ‘as me’ told me to do.

This difference between ‘in me’ or ‘as me’ perhaps will be discussed later.

What I noticed since the restart is ‘I react less often as controlled by my automatic mindpilot. Because I have committed myself I will research the impulses of my mind to which I am inferior and subject to.

What I describe in my blog 524 as my mind which I named ‘The Leader of my steeringwheel.’ Because I Started writing again after I made my choice: ‘I will not longer be dictated by the information of my mind. I’m going to discuss what’s triggered by my accepted victim thinking.’

So I realized ‘To break with my mind habits and live my physical Beingness as life requires dedication, commitment and honest look at my mind assumtions.’

So I commited myself that I wanted to Stop my victimization thinking. I decided that I no longer wants to submit me to her mind. Which Implies I No longer want Depend on the information my mind provides me with. Because if I submit myself to my mind it turns me into his determined direction.

No longer instruct me with his manipulation language, creating words which I did learned during my childhood.

I realize see and understand that I wrote a lot in the Desteni I-proces lessons about the way, my interpretation how I observed my mother and her parents, my grandparents. In my opinion did they considers themself superior and looks down on others. Always blaming others who looks and behaved different as how they behaved.

I realize see and understand that women in general during my childhood life were behaving themselves superior. M also did. When I think back about M’s behavior,behaved the same as my female teachers at school. They also showed me there superiority.

During my youth I construct a superior image and understanding about women. I construct my accepted and allowed thoughts, assumtions, backchats, emotions and feelings which I created as my conception ‘I am inferior because I allowed myself Followed up the image instructions I created about superiority. Which I manifest as my acceptance in relation to the women in my environment as superiority, which I created as superior in my mind after observing women’s behave. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking ‘Those f**king bitches.’


Support my self and started writing again made me responsible for my automatic starting points. Which I recognize because of this writing proces. This process supports me to slow down. I Stop and Breath the energy of inferiority and superiority. Without blaming and a little smile and being thankful that I made the right choice started writing Selfforgiveness again. Getting aware and responsible. A decision to no longer be a victim of the Circumstances. Made the decisions and walked my writing again choice. Direct my self into a possible physical Beingness in here direction which I can and have to walk in real life.

First: ‘A being that is able to “explain the world and itself as accepted and allowed mindSelf.” And second, because of this first Selfforgiveness steppoint to walk, manifest the possibility of self-determination as Selfcorrective possibility ‘What’s Best for me is Best for All Life’.


So in my previous post I realized that in general I’m testing people how long it takes them to ignore me. After this realization a second thought popped up into my conscious mind: But It really does no matter to me that they will.

Selfhonestly Selfforgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I allowed the leader of my steeringwheel ‘my mind’ automatically turned me into his determined direction.

But It really does no matter to me that people will reject and ignore me. In the first place when I reject and ignore people and women in general, Because I suppose they behave superiorly to me, it feels like Indifference and disinterest because I am not assuming that women are genuinely interested in me. So f**k those bitches.

And Secondly, I no longer have to submit to my mind assumption that I behave dependent on the negativity of what I assume: women are not genuinely interested in me.

I also realize see and understand that I want others to behave decent in accordance with decent what corresponds whit the decent look alike character who others prescribes the way I have in mind.

I the next posts to come I will write about that I describe others the way how I feel things in my life has to be and has to go my way.

https://desteni.org/

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