Day 555 Just read this without interpretation

Just read this without interpretation. Just look and read it. Words which I address at myself. Because I wrote a blog about sex addiction and I’m not sure to post it. It’s my fear. That I will receive critique. Please understand my lonelyness within this addiction. Instead of accepting the fear I create an excuse ‘please Jan you was addicted to sex and thats why you are feeling lonely’.

Please’ I realize see and understand that please is loaded with the energy of victimization. I guess, lol. Or perhaps it’s just indifference, apathy, unconcern, disinterest, nonchalance, insouciance. This words I used (sounds like abused) Stigmatized the people in my Intimate circle. The people whose comments following at my questions Became Predictably unpredictable for me.

The addiction of fear to receive criticism. In the same moment fears of receiving critique I was longing for connection and understanding. For unconditional Support and Involvement. Understanding. With an open view without giving me any advice. Only understand the why of my addictions. Twice I was in a clinic. For autobiography therapy and detox my body. In the first six weeks of my stay I worked in the fruit and vegetable gardens. A period in which I was observed and after six weeks was incorporated into a therapeutic community. I was getting biological medication for Psychotic symptoms and Bipolar epidodes.

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