Day 536 walking Selfhonestly Selfforgiveness day 535.

For context see previous blog ‘Maybe or decided!’

I realized during writing my previous blog, to find out the truth about myself, most of the time I have to get that truth through others. They are equally indispensable for the knowledge they show me as myself. When I want to Change I have to change the things which give me positive energy.

In this Selfhonestly Selfforgiveness blog about my realization which gave me positive energy, and in a way in this thinking there is ‘I realized’ also the energy of hate and sarcasm included: ‘I like it when I can take my colleague down.’


Selfhonestly Selfforgiveness


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself too think I like it when I can take my colleague down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I in contact with my colleague and father dit not realized that I expects ‘they do not behave properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I in contact with my colleague expect that he has to behave proper.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fantasies about a positive scenario that my colleague disappears from earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that he irritates me enormously.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I expect proper behavior, so when I clarify something of the common working method, that he has to do it my way and not differently as what I told him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I did not allowed my colleague to laugh and that he not has to start laughing when I am explain him something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I do my Best look better in my approach then my colleague does.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I try to look better in my approach then my colleague does because I am afraid that he start laughing when I tell him something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I cannot tolerate the intonation of my colleague’s voice because of his laughing I am thinking that he is making fun of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I am thinking he is making fun and not taken me serious because I guess I am not worthy enough to be taken seriously after I told him about work procedures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself because I am thinking he is not behave proper that his voice annoys me enormously because he accused me that one thing I told him was incorrect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that in my awareness and opinion he is saying that I’m a liar after he told me that what I told him is incorrect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that after he accused me of incorrectness I experience anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I feel anger in my body when I just think about him and the next moment I report myself sick.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I report myself sick because I can’t bear my colleague’s presence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I avoid the situation because I want to avoid my colleague.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I avoid him because when I’m close to him, I feel miserable, deficient and worthless.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I feel anger, miserable, deficient and worthless when I am thinking about my colleague.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I not want get to know my colleague better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I not want to investing in positive contact which can result in a honest understanding and at least a less hostile attitude.

I realize see and understand that I want to avoid my colleague because when I’m close to him, he reminds me of my father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I want to avoid my colleague because when I’m close to him he reminds me of my father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when I think back about my father when I was a child he always let me feel miserable, deficient and worthless.

Because of the negative, ‘I like it when I can take my colleague down.’ Then I feel better instead feeling bad. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when I think about this person my neck hairs stand up, I do feel irritated and suddenly feel very tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself since I met this person I feel anger and this happen repeatedly to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself because of “that one colleague” I feel anger which is caused by the energy of my negative thinking and wishfull thinking on the other hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that as the result of my hostile and wishful thinking after four years I do not longer experience any job satisfaction when this person is in the near.

‘I was thinking my father liked it when he could take me down.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was thinking that my father liked it when he could take me down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was thinking that he showed me in the way he looked and sounded in his voice when he spoke to me, not telling me whit reasons how to act in his opinion, no he did not explain but only spoke to me in a hostile way and so I decided, accept and allowed myself to feel bad about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was thinking that he showed me in the way he looked and sounded: ‘I hate you.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was thinking because of his voice when he spoke to me ‘sounds like Why are you born.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking ‘I’m stupid and worth to life’ because my father not telling me whit reasons how to act in his opinion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I had not should born that’s why he did not explain but only spoke to me in a hostile way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I decided accept and allowed myself to feel bad about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted I am not not worthy enough to life because my father showed me this in his behave, the look in his eyes and the Intonation of his voice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I not should had to be born and not had to exist in his opinion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I was not worthy to exist, in front of customers my father yelled at me and blamed me that I was not quick enough and made mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in the near of my colleague at work the way of the Intonation in his voice and the look in his eyes he reminds me at the way my father treated me in front of customers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself: ‘I feel better and I like it when I can take my colleague down’, instead feeling bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself feeling irritated when my colleague does not behave and act the way I want him to do so.

If and when I feel irritated because my colleague does not behave and act the way I want him to do so, then I Stop and Breath.

I realize see and understand that I react irritated when my colleague does not behave and act the way I expect him to do.

I realize see and understand that I as a child was thinking that my father reacted irritated because I behaved and not acted the way he was expecting me to do so.

I realize see and understand that my mother told me that my fathers mother Abused my father as he acted differently than his mother expected him to do.

Commitment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I blamed my father’s way of acting not knowing the way his mother, my grandmother, treated him Disrespectful in front of my mother. If and when I blame my colleague at work, then I Stop and Breath.

I realize see and understand I guess my colleague feels, just like my father did, feels ashamed and worthless. But I don’t know in relation to my father because I never spoke with my father about this issues. My father Got a cerebral infarction and later a stroke. He could not express his feelings and emotions to me.

I realize see and understand that I missed this conversation with him and we could not explored some understandings about ourselves how things were going in our lives.

I commit myself that I can and will explore misunderstandings in myself s wich pops-up as positive longings and energy, what I did and find out the truth about myself.

Thanks for reading.


I’M walking and writing the Desteni I Process. Which is a life coaching platform where you’ll learn essential life skills and practice simple common-sense tools such as self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application. Based on years of research & practice, developed with attention to detail, proven by hundreds of people and delivered to you comfortably through the web.