Since 2014 I’M walking and writing the Desteni I Process. Which is a life coaching platform where you’ll learn essential life skills and practice simple common-sense tools such as self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application. Based on years of research & practice, developed with attention to detail, proven by hundreds of people and delivered to you comfortably through the web.
I realize see and understand to find out the truth about myself, sometimes I have to get that truth through the other. The other is indispensable for my existence and equally indispensable for the knowledge that I have of myself.
When I make the decision that I want to Change, then I have to change the things which are giving me a positive vibe by give-up the positive energy. In this blog the decision to make is ‘Give-up maybe or walk as decision of correction.’ The last of both ‘I realize see and understand that’ is necessary for me.
I realize that in my mind there are walking and sounding some thoughts around which are not very helpful to create a hostile free environment. ‘I like it when I can take my colleague down’ is one of those thoughts which giving me positive energy. There is some hatred and sarcasm energy within also.
When I think about this person my neck hairs stand up, I do feel irritated and suddenly feel very tired. Since I met this person this happen repeatedly to me because of “that one colleague”, which is cause by the energy of my negative thinking and wishfull thinking on the other hand. As the result of my hostile and wishful thinking is that In real life after four years, I do not longer experience any job satisfaction when this person is in the near.
The desirable scenario in my mind is that my colleague disappears from the earth. He irritates me enormously. If I clarify something of the common working method, he does it differently or starts laughing.
I do my Best look better in my approach then my colleague does. I cannot tolerate the intonation of my colleague’s voice. His voice annoys me enormously. He also accused me that one thing I told him was incorrect. Actually, in my awareness and opinion he is saying that I’m a liar. Because of the anger I feel when I just think about him, the next moment I report myself sick because I can’t bear my colleague’s presence. I avoid the situation because I want to avoid my colleague. I avoid him because when I’m close to him, I feel miserable, deficient and worthless.
Getting to know someone better and investing in contact can result in a honest understanding and at least a less hostile attitude. I realize see and understand that I want to avoid him because when I’m close to him, now in this moment a new thought popped up into my mind. I’m thinking about my father’s behavior, as a child I mostly feels miserable, deficient and worthless.
What I realize is the negativity in my father’s and my colleagues behavior. That’s why ‘I like it when I can take my colleague down.’ Then I feel better instead feeling bad. My father learned me, as the way he showed me, in the way how he looked at me with devil eyes and sounded as thunder in his voice when he spoke to me, not even telling me whit reasons how to act in his opinion. No he did never explained anything to do well or correct. He spoke to me in a hostile way. So I learned and made the decision, I accept and allowed myself to feel bad about myself. I can not remember that I ever had a proper conversation with him.
I realize see and understand that I want to change my hostile mind thoughts and create a hostile free environment, to not place positive thoughts any longer: ‘I like it when I can take my colleague down’, on top of my hostile and negative assumptions.
Selfhonest selfforgiveness in the next blog.